A Fly Boy and a Fly
by SKRoberts
Summary: Jack must take on a daring mission before he loses his sanity. (Check header info for more)


Title: A Fly Boy and a Fly  
Author: Sarah K. Roberts (S.K.Roberts)  
Main Character(s): Jack  
Date Completed: April 2001  
Category: Humor, Challenge Response: All Jack Day  
Summary: Jack must take on a daring mission before he loses his sanity.  
Setting: Any Season except 6.  
Spoilers: None  
Author's Note: This was written in response to a challenge on the ColonelJack List for April 29, 2001 that posed the question: "If you were a fly on the wall, what would you hear?"

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on rights of MGM Studios or Gekko Film Corp. This is not for profit and purely for enjoyment. All characters of Stargate SG-1 were borrowed and then returned, unharmed and unchanged at the end, with their dignity intact. Any similarity between this story and an already existing fan fiction, is purely coincidental. Enjoy!

_**A Fly Boy and a Fly  
**_  
Bzzzzzz...

My wings fluttered quickly as I came to an easy stop on the wall of the Colonel's office.

I have been a fly buzzing around the SGC for a week now. Soon after finding myself here among the personnel (I flew into the elevator on Ground Level and managed to travel all the way down to Level 28), I realized that this was no ordinary place for a fly to hang out. Everyday, I saw the humans go through the Stargate -- as the Big Ones call it -- and every now and then, something exciting would happen, but now, there was nothing but calm.

I soon realized that the Big One called Jack O'Neill was by far the most interesting of the lot. Occasionally, he got on someone's nerves, but for the most part, he was very fun to be around. I have spent most of my time following him around the complex. I have to be especially careful to make sure he does not see me because the Big Ones have a tendency to want to swat flies like me.

_Just so you Big Ones know... when we buzz around you, we are only doing so because we like you and want to be near you! Quit swatting at us!_

Things have been bordering on dull lately. Jack has gotten to the point where he'd do anything to rid himself of boredom. After losing several games of chess to Daniel, having the snot knocked out of him while sparring with Teal'c, annoying the General almost to the point of Court Martial, and having his eyes gloss over every time Carter said something, he had taken refuge in his office with his TV. He was watching old _Get Smart_ episodes when I flew in.

"Max, you'll be heading for terrible danger in this assignment," a voice said from the TV.

"And... loving it!" Max replied.

Jack mouthed the words as though he knew it was coming and giggled. "Oh, that Max gets me every time!" he said out loud to himself.

After a while, he finally had to give up watching the TV and went to see if there was anything else he could do. He decided to see what Daniel was up to, so I followed.

"Hey, Danny Boy!" I heard Jack say as I landed on one of the walls in Jackson's office.

"What now, Jack? More chess?" Daniel asked, momentarily looking up from his book.

"Oh, come on! There has to be something we can do!'

"I _am_ doing something. I'm reading a book. Why don't you do the same?!"

"How about a game of Gin?" he asked, dodging the whole book issue.

"No, Jack. I don't want to play Gin!" he said. Suddenly, I saw him look in my direction. I quickly made like a spot on the wall and stayed as silent as possible.

_If he sees me, I don't know what might happen!_

"Hey, Jack, I have a challenge for you. If you can do it, I will play any game you want."

"Great! What is it?!" Jack asked quickly.

"I bet you can't catch that fly on the wall over there!" he said.

_OH, NO! I'M IN TROUBLE!_

"What?! How am I supposed to catch a fly?!" Jack asked.

"I don't know. You have to figure it out yourself. Good luck!" Jackson said, grinning largely. I figured he was trying to get Jack out of his hair for a while, at my expense.

"You just wait! I'll get that fly!" Jack said. I had to get out of there _fast_! 

Bzzzzzz!

"Hey!" Jack yelled. I couldn't see behind me, but I was sure he was following.

"Oh, and it has to be alive!" Jackson yelled down the corridor from his office doorway.

"What?!" Jack yelled back, looking down the hallway as he hurried along after me. Bad move. Suddenly, I heard a loud _thump_. I came to a stop on the ceiling just in time to see Jack stumble back from a doorway, holding his nose.

"Ouch! That looked like it hurt!" Daniel said, a hint of regret in his voice for distracting him.

"Ya think?!" he said back, his voice nasally because of the hand over his face.

"Sorry!" Daniel said back.

"Where's that fly?!" he asked himself out loud.

_Here we go again!_ I quickly took off down the corridor.

"Ah, HA!" Jack said as I flew for my life.

Somehow, I ended up in the MALP room where Carter was at work programming one of the MALPs for an upcoming mission. Jack hurried in, looking around frantically, searching for me. I quickly took shelter in a shadow on the wall.

"Hey, Colonel. What's up?" she asked him.

"A fly," he answered.

"Sir?" she asked, looking at him in a befuddled manner.

"Oh, it's a bet with Daniel. I have to catch a fly," he explained. "You know? I think he just wanted me out of his way. Well, I'll show him!" The whole time, he was looking around for me.

"O-o-o-kay," she said, returning to programming.

"Wait!" he said quickly looking right at me. It startled me, and I fluttered away from the wall. "Ha, ha! You can't hide from me that easily!"

_Drat! I gave away my position!_

Bzzzzzz!

I had to make a break for it before he had a chance to catch me. No doubt Carter thought he had lost what was left of his sanity as he galloped after me.

I fluttered down the corridor towards Teal'c's quarters. _Maybe he could distract Jack long enough for me to take permanent shelter._

The door to his room was closed, but there was just enough space between the floor and the bottom of the door for me to squeeze through. Jack was so busy watching me scurry under the door, he forgot to slow down and ran smack dab into Teal'c's door. _THUD_! I heard a groan as I fluttered to a stop on the ceiling.

Teal'c got up quickly from his sitting position on the floor, walked over to the door, and opened it. He had just enough time to see the cross-eyed look on Jack's face before his friend collapsed in his arms. "Colonel O'Neill!" he yelled, lowering him to the floor.

"I'm all right, Teal'c," Jack said, a little slurred.

Teal'c helped him up. "Do you need to go to the Infirmary? You may have a head injury."

"No. I'm fine, but I seem to be having a Maxwell Smart phase."

"_Maxwell Smart_?" Teal'c asked curiously.

"Man, you need to get out more. Remind me to explain it later. Have you seen a fly around here somewhere?" Jack asked, looking around.

"Are you sure you do not have a head injury?" Teal'c asked, looking at his friend as if he were insane.

Bzzzzzz!

I decided to hurry out of the room. I didn't want to get swatted, but I certainly didn't want Jack to keep hurting himself. _Maybe General Hammond can talk some sense into him or find him something to do._

"Wait! There it goes!" Jack said. The pursuit was on again.

Jack hurried up the spiral, grated staircase as I flew towards Hammond's office. "Colonel O'Neill, what a coincidence! I was just about to send for you. I have your next mission plan," the General said when he saw the man come up the stairs.

"Really? Great!" he said, walking with Hammond into his office. I followed.

"SG-1 will be going to PVR-301. Soil samples detect Naquadah there, so we need you to check it out. You are set to leave in an hour, so inform the others and get ready," Hammond explained.

Jack knew I was in the room. He had been looking right at me through every word the General had said.

"Colonel? Are you all right?"

"Uhhh... Yes, Sir. Earlier, I was watching old _Get Smart_ episodes and can't seem to stop running into things," he said.

"But you're okay, right?"

"Oh, yes, Sir. I have a bit of a headache, but I'm good to go," Jack answered. "I am ready for work. I'm so bored, I have resorted to trying to catch a fly! He's a sly creature. I haven't been able to catch him yet," he said pointing to me.

"I think you _do_ need to get back to work," he said, looking at Jack in a funny way. "See you in an hour."

Jack rose to his feet. "Yes, Sir."

That was my cue to leave, too.

"And try not to run into anything else!" I heard the General say before Jack and I headed out.

Bzzz... bzzz... bzzz...

I was tired of flying around. Jack looked tired, too.

_As much as I don't want to be caught, I can't see him go through any more. It's time for me to give myself up._

Jack went back to his office and plopped himself on his bed. I came to a tiring stop on an envelope on his desk. We both sighed with fatigue.

_Who thought chasing a fly was so exhausting... for the chaser and the chasee?!_

As Jack rubbed his eyes, he looked over at his desk. My tiny heart leapt when I realized he knew I was there. He got up and walked over.

_This is it. It's time for my life to end._

Jack bent down so that his eyes were level with me. "You know, Little Fly, you are a very crafty critter. I have been trying to catch you for hours. All I have to show for it is a few bumps and a desperate need for a nap," he said.

My big prism-like eyes twinkled as I looked at him... all 200 of him. He had such a kind face, I hated to have him go through any more of this. I made no such move to flee.

"Little Fly, I'll tell you what. For now, let's call a truce. If you come with me and let me show you to Daniel, I will let you go free. I give you my word," he said. He opened up his hand and placed it on the desk beside me.

_There were not many Big Ones us flies could trust, but I trust this one. Even if he did not keep his word, I had a fun life. I was able to see the world, or at least what I thought was the world... I even got to see something so amazing as the Stargate... And I met nice Big Ones like Jack and his friends..._

Bzzz...

I slowly fluttered above his hand and landed softly in his palm. I saw a look of disbelief on Jack's face. He did not expect me to actually listen, I guess.

"Thank you," he said slowly, carefully cupping his hands over me and walking out of the room.

**THE END**


End file.
